Grief, Loss & Bereavement Counselling in Newcastle

Bereavement and loss can leave you devastated. Following the death of a loved one, many of us are unprepared for the emotions that follow the bereavement: anger, numbness, shock, depression. Bereavement Counselling can help you to understand and work through the grieving process by giving you the time and a safe therapeutic space to mourn your loss and to understand the feelings and experiences that have arisen.

How you are affected by your loss, and the grief that comes with it, is as unique as you are.

Although most people recover from bereavement within a year, 40% may require some form of psychosocial support.

Killikelly et al., 2021

Difficulties in Coping with Loss

Why is it that we find this “natural” experience of loss so difficult? Sometimes, it is the power of this wave of emotion as it engulfs you that can at times can feel overwhelming. Other people report the feeling of being isolated as though no-one could possibly understand their experience. The reasons why coping is difficult are many, but listed below are some of the more common:

Why Coping with Loss is Difficult:

• The intensity of the grieving. Your normal coping mechanisms get overwhelmed.
• The duration of the grief period is excessive. You don’t seem to be recovering and the upset doesn’t end, leaving you feeling helpless/hopeless.
• An unexpected/strong grief reaction happens years later “out of the blue”. Triggers and changes of your situation allow your grief to come out.

Mini-Video: Loss

Common Reasons for Seeking Help with Loss

Grief and bereavement counselling help you to cope with your loss and this is a very common reason for seeking therapy. You can also experience a grief reaction and mourning not only after the passing of a loved one but also on the loss of of something significant to you such as a relationship, the loss of work, or retirement. Some common situations are listed below:

Common Situations Resulting in Feelings of Loss

• Miscarriage and abortion
• Death of a much loved pet
• Loss of job status, redundancy
• Divorce or relationship break-up.
• Loss of possessions
• Changes of self-identity – due to sexual abuse, assault, menopause, injury, health deterioration
• Death of a loved one

If loss is unresolved it can lead to other difficulties such as depression, anxiety, anger or insomnia. You may have issues with addiction or alcohol use. Bereavement and loss can also cause you to struggle in day-to-day activities, or in your work, health, or in your relationship.

Symptoms of Grieving, Bereavement & Loss

Everyone’s experience of loss or grief is unique. The symptoms can occur for several months and can even affect you suddenly some years afterwards. Typically the experience may initially include:  numbness, shock and confusion as one tries to accept the reality of the situation.  You may also have feelings of  relief, anger, guilt, sleeplessness,  change of appetite, social withdrawal, loss of motivation and irritability.

These difficult feelings may not be present all the time and can appear unexpectedly or feel overwhelming at times.

Also, you can sometimes feel confused as it may not be easy to recognise when bereavement, grief or loss are the reason you’re feeling or behaving differently.

“It’s so curious: one can resist tears and ‘behave’ very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer… and everything collapses.”Colette

How Can Therapy for Loss / Counselling for Bereavement Help?

Although there are no easy answers in counselling for grief, it is normal to move through a process of grieving the loss and to end in acceptance.

This is sometimes known as the “5 Stages of Grief” where we go through Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. However, this is rather a messy process and we are likely to recycle the stages in a random order as we try to work through our loss.

During this process, maintaining contact with people is important in your recovery and you should do this as soon as you feel able – even though this is often very hard.

In short, Grief therapy can help you to:

• Understand your feelings of grief
• Develop coping strategies to cope with your loss
• Gain support through your grief reactions and acceptance of loss

Reflecting on Loss:

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
Kahlil Gibran

Taking the Next Step for Bereavement Counselling

The grieving process can sometimes be a lengthy and tough journey, and therapy can support you through this emotional period, providing a safe and supportive environment in which you feel able to express your most painful feelings.

At Reflexions Counselling and Psychotherapy we will be able to help you to move forwards again. If you are struggling with loss, contact us and arrange to talk to one of our bereavement therapists about grief counselling in Newcastle – Phone 01915805080 or email.

Resources and Self-Help for Bereavement Counselling

There are a wide range of on-line resources and books available to support you in your loss. A small selection are listed below:
Cruise
National charity supporting the bereaved. This takes you to the links page which has a wide range of resources.
Dying Matters
Dying Matters supports those who are preparing for death themselves or who are caring for someone who is nearing death. The information on the site is of great help for those really “difficult to talk about” areas of death and what is to come.
Childhood Bereavement Network
This is a site which provides advice and support for those that are helping children who are coping with the death of a parent, sibling or someone close to them.
NHS Choices
This is the NHS site which offers helpful advice on coping following loss and bereavement.

Books:
How we Grieve: Relearning the World by Thomas Attig
Attig recounts real-life tales to present the challenges facing dealing with loss.
Overcoming Grief by Sue Morris
A Cognitive Behavioural self-help book giving you practical steps to help you cope with your grief.
Miscarriage: Women Sharing from the Heart, by Marie Allen & Shelley Marks
A compilation of over 100 stories of women talking about their experiences. Advice for partners, family and professionals