Does your blood pressure skyrocket when your someone disagrees with you? Are you filled with fury when someone cuts you up when driving? Whilst anger is a natural and normal emotion that everyone experiences, it is crucial to address it in a constructive manner. Unrestrained anger can have detrimental effects on your well-being and relationships.
Control Your Anger “Monster”
Managing the powerful emotions of temper or frustration is hard. These anger management tools – from adopting a Solution-Focussed approach to using compassion – will help you to stay in emotional control. These anger techniques are regularly used therapeutically and will guide you to manage your anger more effectively, enabling you to develop better coping skills, be calmer and support you to enhance your overall quality of life.
Take the first steps to control your anger, by working through these “Top 10 Temper Tips”.
- Stop -THINK:
Before speaking, always pause to collect your thoughts. For example:- Imagine looking at yourself in your “minds-eye” as if seeing yourself on tv or from a distance across the room. This can help you to gather yourself and gain space to briefly calm yourself.
- Trying to think of more than one way to say what you want is also a useful technique. It also helps to give others involved time to gather their thoughts.
- Give yourself a Break:
Give yourself short breaks during stressful times of the day. For example: find a spot for a brief “oasis of quiet time” to help you to feel better prepared to handle challenges without becoming irritated or cross. - Use a Solution-Focussed Approach:
Identify, and then solve the issue that you are upset about. For example: if your partner is consistently late for early morning gym, but not at other times, the solution is simply move gym. However, the solution to consistent lateness is more of a “discuss and find a shared solution” situation. Accept that some things cannot be controlled and be realistic: only seek to “control the controllables” Remember, anger doesn’t build bridges – and conflict will make a situation worse. - Engage in Physical Activity:
Exercise is particularly helpful in managing stress and anger. For example: If you are feeling more tense or angry, choosing to do some aerobic exercise – such as a brisk walk or other physical activity that you enjoy – can help tremendously. Aerobic exercise tends to be best. - Use “I” Statements:
Avoid blame and criticism, as they can escalate tension. For example: Use “I” statements to describe the problem, being specific and respectful. Say, “I’m upset that you didn’t help me to tidy the room” rather than “You are lazy and never help” - Find Humour in the Situation:
For example: when there is tension, use humour to diffuse the situation. It helps you to face what’s making you angry and challenges any unrealistic expectations. Avoid sarcasm, which can worsen the situation and hurt feelings. Reframing is the comprehensive method. - Practice Relaxation Techniques:
When your anger fires up, use relaxation techniques to calm yourself: deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, visualising a relaxing scene, and mindfulness meditation can all help you to calm mind and body, reducing your anger levels. There are some great apps now online or listening to calming music, journaling, pilates, Tai Chi, or yoga are all effective. For example: The 54321 Mindfulness Technique is a quick and helpful way of re-grounding yourself.- List:
- 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can touch
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste
- Express Your Concerns Calmly
For example: Wait until you are calm, then express your frustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational way. Clearly communicating your concerns and needs without being controlling or hurtful will help you to avoid conflict. - Be Compassionate or Forgiving:
Compassion is “understanding our human condition, our imperfection, another’s weaknesses and ignorance, and having sympathy for the suffering of another” and thus letting go of revenge. Forgiveness is a means of freeing ourselves from resentment. For example: Let go of your anger and negative feelings and avoid bitterness and relationships stress by forgiving or being compassionate -creating understanding and closeness instead. - Seek Support:
Managing anger can be challenging. Talking to a trusted family member or “steady” friend can often be useful and can help you to get perspective. For example: choose carefully, a friend or relative who has a calm, “adult” perspective as your support person.
If anger feels uncontrollable, leads to regrettable actions, or harms those around you, seek professional assistance to address your anger issues.
For more details and self-help guides see below or see our Anger Management Counselling page which has additional information. Please note that these references and self-help guides below are intended as supplemental resources and should not replace professional diagnosis or treatment. Consulting with a mental health professional is recommended for a comprehensive assessment and tailored treatment plan.
Resources & Self-Help for Anger Management
- Books:
- “Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames” by Thich Nhat Hanh
- “The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships” by Harriet Lerner
- “Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way” by Gary Chapman
- Online Articles and Blogs:
- Psychology Today: “Anger Management”
- Mindful: “How to Work with Anger”
- Apps:
- Calm
- Headspace
- Therapy and Counseling Services:
- Reflexions Counselling and Psychotherapy
- Local counselling centers
- Support Groups:
- Local NHS centers
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Ken McLeish is Principal Therapist at Reflexions Counselling and Therapy in Newcastle upon Tyne, England. Reflexions provides counselling and therapy for a wide range of issues. He can be contacted through the website: https://counselling-newcastle.co.uk .
Information contained here is not a substitute for face-to-face therapy. It can only every be one view of a situation and may not be applicable to your situation. You are advised to seek specialist support. The work here is a personal view which may change over time and should not be taken as representative of Reflexions Counselling and Psychotherapy.
Ken McLeish BA DMS MBA MSc MSc Cert Ed UKCP Reg
Reflexions Counselling and Psychotherapy
Saville House, NE1 8DQ
0191 5805080
https://counselling-newcastle.co.uk
Or email:counsellor@counselling-newcastle.co.uk
Or phone: 0191 5805080
Ken McLeish is Principal Therapist at Reflexions Counselling and Therapy in Newcastle upon Tyne, England. Reflexions provides counselling and therapy for a wide range of issues. He can be contacted through the website: https://counselling-newcastle.co.uk .
