Grief, Loss & Bereavement Counselling in Newcastle

Bereavement and loss can leave you devastated. Following the death of a loved one, many of us are unprepared for the emotions that follow. These may include anger, numbness, shock, and depression. Bereavement Counselling can help you understand and work through the grieving process. It provides the time and a safe therapeutic space to mourn your loss while understanding the feelings and experiences that arise.

How you are affected by your loss, and the grief that comes with it, is as unique as you are.

Understanding your grief reaction and gaining insights helps with both coping strategies and facilitates treatment for loss. We have put together a helpful researched guide below:

Although most people recover from bereavement within a year, 40% may require some form of psychosocial support.

Killikelly

Loss: The Physical and Psychological Symptoms

Loss affects our emotional state but is also seen in some quite common and some more unusual physical and psychological symptoms. Recognising these symptoms helps in understanding the impact of grief on our overall well-being. For example, grief causes increases in stress hormones, catecholamine release (dopamine, norepinephrine, and epinephrine – adrenaline) and increased sympathetic nervous system stimulation (ref.). Here are some common physical and psychological impacts of grief:

“It’s so curious: one can resist tears and ‘behave’ very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer… and everything collapses.”Colette

Physical Symptoms of Grieving, Bereavement & Loss

Everyone’s experience of loss or grief is unique. The symptoms can occur for several months and can even affect you suddenly some years afterwards.

1. Sleeplessness – often we have difficulty sleeping or vivid dreams as our brains try to process what has happened.
2. Change of appetite – nausea or stomach upset and appetite is often supressed.
3. Social withdrawal – frequently, as we have been emotionally overwhelmed we may withdraw from others. This is normal but if it continues support is often needed.
4. Loss of motivation – it is common to feel low mood or lack of drive following loss.
5. Irritability with others – we can become irritable and moody around others. 
6. Tightness and heaviness in chest/throat
7. Dizziness, headaches – similar symptoms to stress

Psychological Symptoms of Grieving, Bereavement & Loss

1. Numbness – not feeling anything as you “shut down” emotionally
2. Shock and confusion – as one tries to accept the reality of the situation and/or trauma. 
3. Relief – for example, where someone has been caring for an ill relative over a period of time, it is very normal to feel relief at their passing.
4. Anger – a difficult but common reaction to loss. In simple terms, we hurt when something precious is taken away.
5. Guilt – when someone is no longer with us, it may be that we have things unsaid or actions not carried out which we regret and can feel as guilt.

These difficult feelings may not always be present. They can appear unexpectedly or feel overwhelming at times. It’s also common to feel confused, as it may not be easy to recognise when grief, bereavement, or loss are the reasons behind your feelings or behaviour.

Loss: Why Coping is Difficult:

Why do we find this ‘natural’ experience of loss so difficult? Sometimes, the wave of emotion can feel overwhelming and difficult to bear. Equally, you may find yourself feeling feeling isolated, as though no one could possibly understand your experience.

1. The intensity of the grieving. Your normal coping mechanisms get overwhelmed.
2. The duration of the grief period is excessive. You don’t seem to be recovering and the upset doesn’t end, leaving you feeling helpless/hopeless.
3. An unexpected/strong grief reaction happens years later “out of the blue”. Triggers and changes of your situation allow your grief to come out.

Common Situations Resulting in Feelings of Loss

• Miscarriage and abortion
• Death of a much loved pet
• Loss of job status, redundancy
• Divorce or relationship break-up.
• Loss of possessions
• Changes of self-identity – due to sexual abuse, assault, menopause, injury, health deterioration
• Death of a loved one

If loss is unresolved it can lead to other difficulties such as depression, anxiety, anger or insomnia. You may have issues with addiction or alcohol use. Bereavement and loss can also cause you to struggle in day-to-day activities, or in your work, health, or in your relationship.

Understanding The Process of Grieving: The 5 Stages of Grief

Although there are no easy answers in counselling for grief, it is normal to move through a process of grieving the loss and to end in acceptance. This process, the “5 Stages of Grief” was first discussed by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying. They provide a framework for the thoughts, behaviours, and emotions that are often experienced with loss.

5 Stages of Grief:

• Denial – the time of grieving during which you refuse to accept the reality of a situation.
• Anger – anger is a representation of your loss, and can present itself in a wide range of different ways.
• Bargaining – This stage is where we we say “if only I…”/”What if…” During the bargaining stage of grief, you attempt to negotiate or make compromises – sometimes with God if you are religious. If you do this thing then this wouldn’t have or will not happen.
• Depression – This is the (often intense) feelings of sadness and hopelessness resulting from the loss.
• Acceptance – In time, the pain of loss is reduced and your are able to “grow around” your grief, finding enjoyment again whilst acknowledging that you will always feel sad for the loss.

In practice, this is rather a “messy process” as we recycle the stages in a random order as we try to work through our loss.

During this process of dealing and working through our loss, maintaining contact with people is important in your grief recovery and you should do this as soon as you feel able – even though this is often very hard.

Loss: Can Counselling for Bereavement Help?

Grief and bereavement counselling help you to cope with your loss and this is a very common reason for seeking therapy. You can also experience a grief reaction and mourning not only after the passing of a loved one but also on the loss of of something significant to you such as a relationship, the loss of work, or retirement. Some common situations are listed below:

In short, Grief therapy can help you to:

• Understand your feelings of grief
• Develop coping strategies to cope with your loss
• Gain support through your grief reactions and acceptance of loss

Reflecting on Loss:

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
Kahlil Gibran

Taking the Next Step for Bereavement Counselling

The grieving process can sometimes be a lengthy and tough journey, and therapy can support you through this emotional period, providing a safe and supportive environment in which you feel able to express your most painful feelings.

At Reflexions Counselling and Psychotherapy, we can help you move forward. If you are struggling with loss, contact us to arrange a conversation with one of our bereavement therapists regarding grief counselling in Newcastle. You can reach us by phone at 01915805080 or via email.

Resources and Self-Help for Bereavement Counselling

There are a wide range of on-line resources and books available to support you in your loss. A small selection are listed below:
Cruise – National charity supporting the bereaved. This takes you to the links page which has a wide range of resources.
Dying Matters -Dying Matters supports those who are preparing for death themselves or who are caring for someone who is nearing death. The information on the site is of great help for those really “difficult to talk about” areas of death and what is to come.
Childhood Bereavement Network – This is a site which provides advice and support for those that are helping children who are coping with the death of a parent, sibling or someone close to them.
NHS Choices – This is the NHS site which offers helpful advice on coping following loss and bereavement.

Books:
How we Grieve: Relearning the World by Thomas Attig
Attig recounts real-life tales to present the challenges facing dealing with loss. This really helps to accept that loss is uniquely experienced.
Overcoming Grief by Sue Morris
A Cognitive Behavioural self-help book giving you practical steps to help you cope with your grief.
Miscarriage: Women Sharing from the Heart, by Marie Allen & Shelley Marks
A compilation of over 100 stories of US women talking about their experiences. This book is rather old now, but still relevant for today – Advice for partners, family and professionals