Rules Roles Rituals Relationship
Understanding and Using Rules, Roles and Rituals in Relationship
Successful relationships at work, home and in all aspects of our lives are essential to our feelings of wellbeing and happiness.
In today’s complex world, our relationships shape our happiness and fulfilment. Looking back, our ancestors thrived by sticking together and sharing resources. Their “tribal” ways still hold valuable lessons for us today.
Here’s a simple guide to improving your relationships:
By following these simple principles—Rules, Roles, and Rituals—you can build lasting, supportive relationships.
- Rules and Boundaries: Establishing ground rules is crucial for emotional security. Talk openly about what you need and expect from each other. Clear communication avoids misunderstandings and builds trust.
- Define Roles: Just like in ancient tribes, clarity about who does what fosters harmony. Discuss and agree on each person’s responsibilities in your relationships.
- Embrace Rituals: Shared rituals create meaningful connections. Whether it’s a daily greeting or a special making-up tradition after an argument, these rituals strengthen your bond.
Read on for More Detail…
Successful Relationships in 3 Parts:
1. Using Rules to Improve Relationships
Whilst many of the historical taboos no longer apply, rules and boundaries are essential to emotional security and safety. This means identifying the ground rules and working out the conditions of each relationship you’re in—with your partner, friends, colleagues, and even with your kids.
How to Use Rules in my Relationship
Start by deciding what do you need the other person to do or not do? Vague statements don’t help as they are impossible to act on. The meaning of “I need respect,” is different for different people. “Please can you tell the boss that we worked on this job together” is better. And, if it is important to you that your partner will be late, you could say, “When you are running more than 5 minutes late, please give me a call on my mobile and leave a message”.
Get to know what others require in your relationships. This sets the boundaries. Can I do this/can I do that? What are my needs and what is acceptable or unacceptable? Is compromise possible? Write down your needs, discuss, and remember to revisit them regularly.
2. The Importance of Roles in Relationship: Mammoth for Tea Darling?
Successful hunting and gathering was about everyone in the tribe working together and knowing what their job was. Perhaps today it doesn’t affect whether we are going to catch mammoth for tea, but role clarity does affect both our sense of self and our effectiveness. In your personal relationships, are you clear about what each of you does?
How to Use Roles in my Relationship
Clarifying roles in your relationship could involve discussing who takes the lead in planning social events, managing finances, or making major decisions. Knowing each person’s responsibilities enhances teamwork and reduces conflicts over unmet expectations.
3. Using Rituals in Relationships:
Rituals and ceremonies help us to define situations. Do you greet with a kiss or a handshake? Do you have a tea-making ceremony? This is the glue that holds all of our relationships together. The make-up rituals after rows and arguments define successful and unsuccessful couples. I
How to Use Rituals in my Relationship
Identify what rituals you do use. A good place to start is to look at whether you have a ritual for signalling to your partner that “the war is over and I want to make up”. If you don’t have a clear, positive signal make one. Although these are symbolic they really help. An example might be that you bring your partner a cup of tea or are supportive or close in some way. Another example that is often discussed in therapy is kissing your partner goodbye in the morning on going to work – even though you may be cross with them over something.
Sticking to your rituals, even when it feels difficult, is important in keeping your relationships healthy and vibrant.
Relationship Success & Tribal Habits
Thus, the recipe for successful relationships boils down to the 3 R’s – observe them, and you will be surrounded by supportive people for the rest of your life.
*Reflexions Counselling and Psychotherapy* helps clients live life fully. We use a range of creative and traditional techniques to help you to sort out issues in your personal and professional lives in an efficient and effective manner. The list is extensive but includes anxiety, addiction, relationships, depression, and all things therapeutic.
Ken McLeish is Principal Therapist at Reflexions Counselling and Therapy in Newcastle upon Tyne, England. Reflexions provides counselling and therapy for a range of issues including addictions. He can be contacted through the website: https://counselling-newcastle.co.uk .
Information contained in this blog is not a substitute for face-to-face therapy. It can only every be one view of a situation and may not be applicable to your situation. You are advised to seek specialist support for treatment for addictions. The work here is a personal view which may change over time and should not be taken as representative of Reflexions Counselling and Psychotherapy.
Ken McLeish BA DMS MBA MSc MSc Cert Ed UKCP Reg
Reflexions Counselling and Psychotherapy
Cuthbert House, NE6 5RD
0191 3506415
https://counselling-newcastle.co.uk .
