Advice and Resources

April 22, 2025 by kmcl Leave a Comment

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Stop Overthinking – concentration method

shutterstock 59343574 — Stopping Overthinking

Will the Concentration Method Help my Overthinking and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?

Quite simply, better concentration helps you to fully focus on the activity at hand, making you more productive and relaxed. This type of training means that your mind tends not to wander off down the dark path of unhelpful thoughts, obsession, and overthinking, which can be particularly challenging for those with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Concentration exercises are also quick and with practices starting at 4 minutes per day, they are fairly easy to fit into the busiest schedule. These exercises are associated with other techniques such as relaxation – see Progressive Muscular Relaxation (PMR).

Step-by-Step Exercises to Stop Overthinking.

All you need is somewhere comfortable to sit where you can be by yourself.
Begin with the first exercise- repeat once a day until you’re able to do it confidently without any interruptions for at least three minutes. After a few weeks of practice you can increase the time to 15 minutes.

Becoming fully comfortable and confident with these exercises can take anywhere from a few days to a few months so take your time and try not to push yourself too hard at first. If you’re finding it difficult to keep focussed, do not worry as this is very common. Everyone’s experiences vary and eventually you will be able to perform these exercises without becoming distracted. The key is to remain cool, calm and collected.

Learning Point:

It is important to be honest with yourself. Fully attend to the exercises and avoid thinking about anything else. If you do find yourself becoming distracted, stop the exercise and start again at least until the 10 or 15 minutes that you have set for yourself has lapsed

Once you’ve become confident in your accuracy, increase the time and when possible add a second session.For example, add an additional week of practice to each one.

The Concentration Challenges

Begin by doing the first task for 4 minutes. Once that is completed, move onto doing the rest of the exercises for 10 minutes, choosing a quiet place and time in which to do so. Only move onto the next exercise once you’ve completed the previous one. If you are disrupted or become distracted, start the exercise over again.

Exercise 1
Choose a paragraph from a book and then count the words in it. Stop, and then repeat. If you’ve counted the same number of words both times, repeat the counting process but this time with two paragraphs. Once you’re confident in your ability to carry out this exercise, count the words of an entire page. Count mentally and only using your eyes.

Exercise 2
Count Backwords in your mind from 100 to 1 in 3’s. I.e. 100, 97, 94 to 1.

Exercise 3
Begin by picking a simple sound or inspiring word. Then repeat it silently in your mind for 5 minutes. Once you find it easy to concentrate on only doing this, repeat the exercise for up to 10 minutes without interruption.

Exercise 4
Select a fruit of your choice, then pick it up and hold it in your hands. Closely examine it- its smell, the way it feels and its taste. Concentrate on that taste without letting any other thoughts distract you.

Exercise 5
This is similar to exercise 4, however after 2 minutes of examining the fruit (as you did in exercise 4) put it down and close your eyes. Then, try to see, smell, taste and touch the fruit in your imagination. Try to imagine the fruit as clearly as possible. If the picture becomes distorted, open your eyes and look at the fruit for a little while, and then close your eyes and continue with the exercise.

Exercise 6
Pick up something small and simple such as a spoon or fork and concentrate on it. Observe the object from all angles without thinking of any words that relate to it, i.e. without verbalisation/saying the words.

Ken McLeish is Principal Therapist at Reflexions Counselling and Therapy in Newcastle upon Tyne, England. Reflexions provides counselling and therapy for a wide range of issues. He can be contacted through the website: https://counselling-newcastle.co.uk .

Information contained in this blog is not a substitute for face-to-face therapy. It can only every be one view of a situation and may not be applicable to your situation. You are advised to seek specialist support. The work here is a personal view which may change over time and should not be taken as representative of Reflexions Counselling and Psychotherapy.

Ken McLeish BA DMS MBA MSc MSc Cert Ed UKCP Reg
Reflexions Counselling and Psychotherapy
Alderman Fenwicks House, NE1 6SQ
0191 5805080

May 15, 2023 by kmcl

Manage Your Anxiety -Cognitive Techniques

Anxiety Counselling

The Magical Number 7 – Test Your Processing Capacity

The Magic Number 7 – Processing Capacity

Working memory is the cognitive system responsible for temporarily holding information while we manipulate it in our minds. One of the most famous concepts in the field of cognitive psychology is the “magic number 7” processing capacity of working memory.

Back in the mists of time, research (Miller, 1956) demonstrated that, on average, people can hold about 7 (plus or minus 2) pieces of information in their working memory at once. This means that if you’re given a list of random items to remember, like a phone number or a grocery list, you’re likely to remember about 7 items before you start to forget.

Try this simple demonstration of the “magic number 7” processing capacity:

Click the button below to generate a random sequence of numbers between 0 and 9.
You have a 5 seconds countdown to memorise the sequence of numbers.
Without looking back at the sequence, try to recite the numbers from memory. How many did you remember?

If you're like most people, you probably found it easier to remember the sequence of numbers if it contained 7 items or fewer. This is because 7 is within the average processing capacity of working memory. Try generating another sequence and see if you can remember more numbers this time! Chunking or grouping helps you to remember better. 7 4 1 4 9 2 1 9 4 5 or TVFBIJFKCIAIBM would be helped if you see the sequence in the first and the acronyms in the second.

This helps to Manage Anxiety

We cannot hold onto much information. Because of how our minds work, it is therefore helpful to us to focus our efforts so that we are attending to (thinking about) things that matter. This is the key point, as you may well find yourself thinking and worrying about lots of things. If you are doing that, then you can't process new information causing cognitive overload. The solution is fairly simple as you can cut down the load as some of those things you are thinking about you can’t influence. By definition, if you can’t control something it is going to happen or not happen anyway - DESPITE YOUR BEST EFFORTS. Therefore, why spend any of your precious time or energy thinking about them?

Controlling the Controllables.

Worse still, lack of perceived control over our situation affects our well-being and our thinking. We get demotivated, fed up and stressed. An easy example to consider is where you are on a team. So a footballer is not helped by stressing about whether the team is going to win! That is not controllable as an individual player cannot control the output (winning), they can only control what they do. Good Managers help the player to focus on their own jobs and controllables on the pitch.

Almost magically, as soon as you stop trying to control the uncontrollable you are set free and can focus more on what you can do. You then perform better, and feel better. And, more importantly, it can makes for a winning performance!

If you can't control the outcome you have to let it go!

Ken McLeish is Principal Therapist at Reflexions Counselling and Therapy in Newcastle upon Tyne, England. Reflexions provides counselling and therapy for a range of issues including anxiety counselling. He can be contacted through the website: https://counselling-newcastle.co.uk .

Information contained in this blog is not a substitute for face-to-face therapy. It can only every be one view of a situation and may not be applicable to your situation. You are advised to seek specialist support for treatment for addictions. The work here is a personal view which may change over time and should not be taken as representative of Reflexions Counselling and Psychotherapy.

Resources

Miller GA. The magical number seven, plus or minus two: Some limits on our capacity for processing information. Psychological Review. 1956;63:81–97. [PubMed] [Google Scholar] [Ref list]

Link to Reflexions Anxiety Counselling and Panic Attack page: https://counselling-newcastle.co.uk/anxiety-counselling-panic-attacks/

July 7, 2020 by kmcl Leave a Comment

OCD Series: Stop Negative Thoughts – 2 Methods that Help

Persistent Thoughts Solved. Method 1: 4 L’s: Look, Label, Let-it-pass, Leave

This simple method works well with persistent, troublesome thoughts as it recognises that we are not the thought, it is something separate from us.

Ruminating Thoughts — Stopping Ruminating

Look – observe it

Label – it (fear of whatever), then

Let-it-pass –Watch it as it passes by, avoiding making a judgement about it (e.g. good/bad)

Leave – shift your attention to what you were doing (internal focus shift to external focus such as listening to the radio, making tea..)

Racing Thoughts Solved: Method 2 – The Bus

Imagine that you are driving along the Road of Life as the driver of your own bus. Like any normal bus journey, you stop along the way to collect passengers and let them off. It’s a fairly busy bus with people of all ages, shapes and sizes getting on and off.

bus 690508 1920 — Racing Thoughts Technique – The Bus

In your mind, take each thought or feeling in turn and make it into real passengers on your bus. Use both current and past memories, body states, memories or even fantasies. Of course, some people on the bus will be positive and friendly, whilst others will be annoying or obnoxious. Others may simply be repetitive.

Some of these passengers (thoughts) are really quite positive: “My children are lovely….” But a whole lot of them all together? Perhaps not as much. And then you have the negative ones: bullying, blaming, shaming – “Don’t do it, you’ll show yourself up”, “Everyone knows, you’re really just a looser,” “Why bother?” “You’ll never succeed anyway, why start?”. These troublesome passengers are trying to make themselves heard, telling you how to drive, “Turn left, pull over there, speed up, slow down.”

So, driver, what do you do? You could try to ignore, disagree, or tell them to be quiet. You can even try to be logical and reason with them. However, by now you are not even driving the bus, any more, all you’re doing is trying to deal with your difficult passengers – and because there are some really troublesome ones, or lots of them, or both, they are going to take a lot of your attention. They even try to convince you that, if you listen to them, and obey them, do what they say, well maybe they might give you a bit of peace.

Overthinking: The Solution?

You are the driver and the passengers can’t make you do anything you don’t want. Are you going to let them take control? Its surely better to simply keep driving the bus, making the stops you choose, moving towards the destination you want.

This technique helps with rumination and being stuck in feelings as it uses the fact that we see other people as different and separate from us. We can use this to help with gaining both acceptance of difficult feelings and separation from our thoughts and feelings. “We are not our thoughts”. We act (drive the bus) despite everything.

July 17, 2013 by kmcl 1 Comment

Stopping Addictions: Breathing and PMR – Rewiring Brian 3

Addictions: Coping Strategies – Rewiring Brian Part 3

In Stopping Addictions pt 1, we looked at addictions research which demonstrated that the brain’s capability to learn is based upon what we “feed” it. This is true for porn addictions as much as sexting or other compulsions. Through feeding it our addictions this leads our brain to learn powerful but unhelpful neural connections. This then leaves you with wiring “faults” and a “Brian” instead of a brain. These neural connections create links between your feelings, thinking and behaviour and it is these patterns that we call addiction and why it is difficult to stop.

Quite simply, to get new habits you need new connections.

Relaxation helps Rewiring your Brain

This brings us to some techniques which you can use to help you to “rewire”. We looked at 3 techniques in part 2 Stopping Addictions pt 2, of this series. The next technique is a combination technique. Firstly, Progressive Muscular Relaxation (PMR) is great to use as, not only does it provide you with a distraction technique in itself but it feels great to do and gives you health benefits. PMR is one of the easiest ways to relax and it’s really pretty quick to learn. Even better, when combined with a simple breathing technique and visualisation you get something really very powerful at your service.

PMR

These relaxation exercises have been very widely used and whilst they might indicate a tight muscle they should not cause you any pain to undertake. If you feel in any pain simply stop. Equally, if you have any concerns about your health see your GP.

It is easiest to start from your feet and work up to your head. Hold each stretch moderately hard for about 13 seconds and then relax, feeling the difference between your state of tension and relaxation. At you feel the relaxation tell yourself in your mind that you are warm and relaxed.

Curl your toes down hold (for 13 secs.) Feel the tension. Keep holding, then relax.
Curl your toes up and hold for 13s. Feel the tension in your shin. Keep holding, then relax.
Tell yourself in your mind that you are warm and relaxed
Tense your thighs and hold; keep holding, then relax.
Tense your tummy muscle (abdominals/six pack), hold, keep holding for 13s and then relax.
Tell yourself that you are warm and relaxed.
Make a fist with both hands and feel the tension in your forearms. Hold for 13 and then relax. Feel the relaxation.
Push your shoulders up to your ears and hold for 13, then relax
Tell yourself that you are warm and relaxed.
Push your eyebrows up to the ceiling. Hold and then relax.
Bring your eyebrows together as though you are scowling. Hold and then relax.
Inside your mouth, push your tongue up behind your top set of teeth, hold and then relax. Repeat with front bottom set of teeth.
Clamp your jaw shut and hold and then relax.
Move on to breathing and visualisation.

Visualisation is very powerful – most of the connections you make in your head are the same as if you were doing the actual activity itself. As part of your distraction techniques to combat addictive behaviour it is important to choose an enjoyable activity to visualise as the visualisation will reinforce that activity almost as much as doing it. For most people visualisation works better if you are relaxed first. This simple breathing exercise helps many people to get “see” their image more clearly by feeling more relaxed. PMR plus breathing is ideal but you may need simply do this breathing technique as it often does the trick.

Relaxation: Breathing Technique 1

Sit comfortably, “grounded”, both feet on the floor.
Place one hand on your belly/tummy and one on your chest.
Now focus on your breathing, breathing just from your belly. If you are doing this well, your hand on your belly will move in and out, whilst the one on your chest will not move.
Concentrate on your breathing, thinking about each breath and feeling your tummy moving in and out.
Then, when you feel more relaxed, visualise/see yourself doing your chosen distraction activity. Make the pictures you see very bright and colourful. If you can, imagine the feeling and sounds of the activity.

Remember, as you practice, your automatic (addictive) patterns of behaviour are weakened and you start to develop positive associations. This takes time and you will sill have addictive cravings/ images or other things for a long time.

Ken McLeish is Principal Therapist at Reflexions Counselling and Therapy in Newcastle upon Tyne, England. Reflexions provides counselling and therapy for a range of issues including addictions. He can be contacted through the website: https://counselling-newcastle.co.uk .

Information contained in this blog is not a substitute for face-to-face therapy. It can only every be one view of a situation and may not be applicable to your situation. You are advised to seek specialist support for treatment for addictions. The work here is a personal view which may change over time and should not be taken as representative of Reflexions Counselling and Psychotherapy.

July 2, 2013 by kmcl Leave a Comment

Techniques to Improve Your Marriage or Relationship:

Three Techniques to Grow Your Relationship

This is part of a series of posts on relationship repair (see below for link) Many clients that we meet come to see us with their marriage or relationship in crisis and part of the process of repair often involves sharing with your partner that you really understand them. This is where these three simple techniques come in. Initially they do feel rather odd to use but we are told by couples that they are really useful.

1. MIRRORING

Relationship Techniques — Useful Couples Techniques

This could be considered the basic step in creating positives between you as this allows you to feel understood. So you say in response to them:

I heard you say… or

If I am hearing you right, you said…

You then follow up with checking:

Did I get that?

Is there more?

2. VALIDATING

Validating is important as it allows you to express that you understand where your partner is coming from. It does not mean that you are agreeing! You are simply saying that you see how your partner sees it. (“I can see how YOU can see it that way. I see that it makes sense from your perspective”)

Say:

I can understand that.

That makes sense to me because … (Keep this short.)

3. EMPATHISING

Walking in someone else’s shoes but with your socks on…

Say:

I can imagine that makes you feel …

Ken McLeish is Principal Therapist at Reflexions Counselling and Therapy in Newcastle upon Tyne, England. Reflexions provides counselling and therapy for a range of issues including addictions. He can be contacted through the website: https://counselling-newcastle.co.uk .

Information contained in this blog is not a substitute for face-to-face therapy. It can only every be one view of a situation and may not be applicable to your situation. You are advised to seek specialist support for treatment for addictions. The work here is a personal view which may change over time and should not be taken as representative of Reflexions Counselling and Psychotherapy.

Resources

Private Lies:Infidelity and Betrayal of Intimacy; Pittman, F.; (1990), Norton.
This is a classic book on infidelity. Very useful.

Counseling Today has some interesting articles including a classic by Frank Pittman

More resources can be found on Reflexions Counselling and Psychotherapy Couples page:Couples Counselling Resources

May 7, 2013 by kmcl Leave a Comment

Affairs: The Death of a Relationship?

Infidelity

“Honestly, it is safe to talk openly about affairs. It saves lives and marriages to do so.”.

So stated Frank Pittman in his book, “Private Lives: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy”. That said, there is perhaps no bigger change in a relationship than the period after an affair is discovered.

Affairs are a Seismic Wake-Up Call in Your Relationship

However, the standard initial response is often to reach for the nuclear button and “go ballistic”. As such, many couples never get further than the initial crisis that the affair creates, and choose to leave their relationship,wounded and with the relationship ripped apart. It doesn’t need to be this way! Indeed, the road to recovery is richly paved with opportunities to see the depths of meaning in your relationship with your partner that you were probably unaware.

How is this Possible?

First you need to feel in a place of emotional safety and you make an agreement together not to make any immediate decisions about the relationship. You recognise that it is a moment for you to address the painful impacts of the affair on the relationship and also a time to allow the powerful emotions to vent. Furthermore, you need to recognise that affairs cause an erotic injury and that this needs to be dealt with in your erotic lives. Reclaiming your sex life is central to relationship recovery.

” Why would otherwise sane people – people who buy insurance, who stop at traffic lights, who brush after every meal – risk everything in their lives for a furtive moment of sex?” Pittman

Don’t Lose it in the Detail of the Affair

Trying to reconnect intimately is very tough and can feel like pouring salt on an open wound. Being able to deal with the insecurity and uncertainty of this painful time is the essence of allowing yourself to reconnect emotionally. If you spend most of your time looking at the detail of the affair: the Who, How, What, Where, When that is often where you end up – stuck in the detail. Allowing yourself to let some of this go is important in the healing process.

Successfully working through the emotions is linked to deep attunement between you and your partner. It allows the difficult questions to be asked and answers to be given and heard – such as why the affair happened and its meaning to each of you. Even exploring what your partner might have learned about him or herself. And how it felt for them to betray you whilst at the same time as they were getting some of their needs met is where you can rediscover yourselves at deep level of intimacy.

Betrayal: Beyond Anger, Guilt and Shame

Tapping into your partners erotic needs and desires and being able to reveal your own is where a new passion can be born: one rich in sexual energy which can grow from the ashes. Seeking or granting forgiveness is not the whole answer; you will only achieve this when you have re-engaged intimately and erotically with your partner.

Ken McLeish is Principal Therapist at Reflexions Counselling and Therapy in Newcastle upon Tyne, England. Reflexions provides counselling and therapy for a range of issues including addictions. He can be contacted through the website: https://counselling-newcastle.co.uk .

Information contained in this blog is not a substitute for face-to-face therapy. It can only every be one view of a situation and may not be applicable to your situation. You are advised to seek specialist support for treatment for addictions. The work here is a personal view which may change over time and should not be taken as representative of Reflexions Counselling and Psychotherapy.

Resources

Private Lies:Infidelity and Betrayal of Intimacy; Pittman, F.; (1990), Norton.
This is a classic book on infidelity. Very useful.

Counseling Today has some interesting articles on relationship.

More resources can be found on Reflexions Counselling and Psychotherapy Couples page:Couples Counselling Resources

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Stop Overthinking – concentration method